Former Hamas leader and founder, Sheik Ahmed Yassin, who had been killed by Israeli forces on March 21st reported to have made a grim discovery of the afterlife. According to the slain butcher, the "72 virgins of paradise" ain't nothing more than a bunch of skanky ho's who've passed around for generations.

"I am more than outraged," said the herpes encrusted sheik. "I had lived a martyrs life, waiting to live eternally with Allah on one side and 72 virgins on the other; however, these nasty skanks have already plagued me with more diseases than humanly possible."

Executed Hamas leader 'disappointed'

Though the number of women has remained accurate to Muslim faith, it is still unknown how many Suicide Bombers and Martyrs have had there way with each disease-ridden slut.

Sources say that Yassin has already caught 68 of the 204 sexually transmitted diseases, which has infected the afterlife. It is also widely known, that Yassin has caught the Clap and a bad case of Syphilis, which was passed along by the Hussein brothers.

"Uday and Qusay bragged about their orgy parties with these ho-bags," said Yassin who was busy nursing a pair of warts. "Now, I guess you can say with each burn I'm feeling that party first hand."

Muslim martyr Mohammed Aboud, who arrived in the afterlife back in 1967 following the war against Israel says that Yassin's fears are perfectly natural for afterlife first-timers.

"Ahmed Yassin, like most Martyrs is merely adjusting to the norms of the afterlife," said Aboud.

"He will come realize like most of our brothers, that the burning sensation is natural, the sores he will get used to, and the oozing … well ok, that will always be disgusting."

Although Yassin is reportedly unhappy with what he believed was "Paradise", he has already decided accept his fate as a Martyr and make the best of a bad situation.

"I probably should have done some kind of background check with those eight women I nabbed last night," said Yassin.

"But the truth is that I may never know how many men have de-filed these skanks. Unfortunately, what I do know is that the afterlife did not come with a supply of anti-itch cream."