Los Olivos, CA - In response to Tuesday's raid at the infamous "Neverland" ranch, Michael Jackson announced that he will be joining the Catholic Priesthood to reform the pedophile image that has followed him for the past ten years.

Jackson, who has been under attack since the latest accusation felt that joining a religious group would let him extend a hand to thousands of horrified Catholic boys.

"As a new priest, I hope I can regain your trust to teach your young beautiful boys the ways of the lord as every catholic priest understands," said Jackson.

"I will no longer have the late night sleepovers that have haunted so many of you, but rather intense one on one sessions with your children, so that I may learn from them…no matter how late or how many hours it takes."

Father Patrick O'Doyle of the St. Peter's Catholic Church in Palo Alto was the first of many to welcome Michael Jackson with open arms.

"While Michael has years ahead of him before he can officially become a Catholic Priest, we know that he can teach us many of his ideas and beliefs that had made him liked by so many children," said O'Doyle.

"Oh yeah, and liked by adults too…I guess."

While the game plan has not yet been set with Jackson, many priests believe it is important for him to get started immediately by pairing him up with one of St. Peter's alter boys.

"We have such a wide selection of boys who volunteer in the church it is like being a kid in a candy store," said Father Joseph McAleer.

"Not that we are insinuating anything, we just love kids like…well you know what I mean. They taste good…meaning the candy and…Ow! Father, stop kicking me."

If successful, the Catholic Church believes that it can recruit several other celebrities who in their minds would be the perfect fit for the church. Although no official statement has been made it is believed that the church has had discussions with Haley Joel Osment, Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe and temporarily Webster's Emmanuel Lewis until they realized he was actually 32 years old.

"I believe it is important to get to the children before they get old and unattractive…to society that is," said Jackson.

"Look at Macaulay Culkin. He was a strapping young lad with so much potential, but instead he went sour and dated women and what not."

Jackson is optimistic that his influence and fame can spread throughout the state and the country, saving children from going down the path of evil and wrongdoing.

"It may be too late for him," said Jackson. "But I have had my eyes on plenty of young ones who I would love to teach, mentor and touch."

"I mean philosophically and religiously not physically! Not that I don't enjoy the physical…I mean I do enjoy it! You know what I mean. OK, I'm gonna shut up now."