San Francisco, CA – The Incredible Hulk, famed green skinned super-hero and member of the elite group “Super Friends” admitted to using steroids and injecting himself with a growth hormone for several years.
Hulk, who attacked a pedestrian over the weekend after a cup of beer was thrown in his face, addressed the media Monday morning.
“Hulk have no excuse for actions over the past weekend and Hulk should accept full blame for what happened,” said a somber Hulk.
Hulk Somberly Addresses Media
“However in this case Hulk can shift blame to the Steroids. Hulk has been taking steroids for the past five years. Blame that instead.”
Hulk described to the media how he rubbed an undetectable steroid knows as "the cream" on his body, placed drops of another, called "the clear," under his tongue and injected hGH in his stomach with a syringe call “the needle”.
Hulk admitted that he obtained several different steroids from X-men Colossus including an illegal growth hormone called SIME, also known as “Super Illegal Muscle Enhancer”. However Hulk states that he did not know that “Super Illegal Muscle Enhancer” was illegal.
“Hulk not know steroids would hurt body. Hulk think injection would make Hulk big and strong, but Hulk just get green pimples and puny wee-wee. Hulk wee-wee no big and strong. Hulk wee-wee stay flaccid no matter how mad Hulk get.”
This announcement could not come at a worse time as the Super Friends are still dealing with the scandal of Robin’s camping trip with the neighborhood children.
Federal investigations have already begun for several other superheroes including Fantastic Four’s Thing and X-men Sabretooth due to their freakishly strong physique.
Investigations have also extended to some of the female superheroes. Investigators have especially targeted Wonder Woman due to the constant deepening of her voice and her recent growth of a penis.
Super Friends president Superman addressed the media Monday afternoon in response to the recent scandal.
“The Super Friends have been faced with challenges before and we are confident that we will get through this as we have many times in the past,” said Superman.
“We know that it will be a matter of time before Hulk is back to throwing cars and running a muck in our cities and back to his raging lunatic persona we have all frightfully grown to love.”